Tag Archives: waking up

The G-Clock

5 Aug

My Grandma came to stay with us last Ramadan. Because the nights were a bit longer, the rest of us weaklings would fall asleep while she would stay up until dawn. Before she came, we had resorted to establishing a rota, where every 5 minutes, one of us would have to go upstairs to try to wake up the family member that was in a vegetative state. When you just want to sit and enjoy your food in the limited time you have, you can imagine that it was crazy annoying.

But then my G-ma came along. One time it was me who was completely knocked out. I was oblivious to attempts by my father, mother and brothers to wake me. My Grandma then shouted with such menace and moral outrage that I bolted upright and ran downstairs in terror. I was then too shaken to eat properly.

This was no one-off. In fact, her power was greater than any of us could ever have imagined. One night, the whole family was unresponsive. I was vaguely conscious of her calling out every 10 minutes. Exasperated, she yelled out with such force that we all got up immediately in such an organised and orderly manner you’d think we had practiced a drill. So when my dad asked me to go wake up my brother on another night, the most frustrating task placed upon man, I naturally delegated.

I did have enough foresight to know my grandmother’s stay wouldn’t be forever and that she must teach me how to fish. I tried to calculate how much percentage of anger, moral outrage and exasperation was in her call. I practiced my howling in my bedroom. When I thought I had mastered it, I practised on my brother. I think I saw a limb move but I can’t be sure.  Maybe I should try it on a full moon? I’ll keep you updated.